I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
