put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
