Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
