with your own penis?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
