I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
