I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
