I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
