I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
