Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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