Jerry, you need to find god
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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