ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
