Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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