i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
