Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
