Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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