I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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