mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
