Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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