well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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