Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
