I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
