the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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