oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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