Kiss
Puke
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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