i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
