I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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