We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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