So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
