I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
