Just fell off a train. Bad.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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