its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
