Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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