So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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