There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
