and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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