you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
