Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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