So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
