After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
