I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
3pm strippers are depressing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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