Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
