babies were throwing up all over the place
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
