Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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