I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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