i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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