im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
