put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
