Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
