I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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