YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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