How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
