Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
