Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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