On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
