capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize