I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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