Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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