All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
