Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
