We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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