Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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