speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
