Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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