I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
