Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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