If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
porn star boner night. come get it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
that may or may not have been my penis.
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