How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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