I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
