I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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