Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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