you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
