there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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