My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
