omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
