i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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